I’m about to say something that’s going to completely contradict the whole message behind this post but I’m going to say it anyway. Why? Because I’m wild like that.
Here it goes...
Growing up, I didn’t like women, more specifically girls, considering I was a child.
I really didn’t...like at all.
Now, if you’re going to ask me the reasoning behind why I felt this way, I would simply say, “I don’t know". It’s not even like girls have ever REALLY done anything to me, provoking these emotions. I just didn’t vibe with them.
Point. Blank. Period.
In hindsight, maybe I always told myself - and a lot of other people - that I didn’t like girls because my subconscious thought they didn’t like me. It was a defense mechanism
- or maybe they really didn’t like me and my subconscious was protecting me from wasting my time dealing with them...good for you subconscious.
All jokes aside, past elementary school, I NEVER had female friends. Like, ever.
I can’t explain why exactly, but all I know is that I’ve never had a genuine connection with girls. It always felt forced. Like I couldn’t be myself around them. I always felt the need to be “perfect”, to feel “good enough”.
You get me?
With boys it was different. It was always them who made the effort to come and talk to me. To come be friends with me. I always felt like I could be myself around them without feeling completely judged or criticized. It almost felt like they didn’t even see my disability, while with girls, that’s all they saw when they’d place their eyes on me.
Disclaimer: Being disabled and being friends with males is completely different than being disabled and dating them. Blog on dating/falling in love while being disabled coming soon? Let me know what you think.
It’s funny how girls always say boys are egotistical, judgemental, only care about looks and what someone can do for them. This may be true...but that’s the exact way I always viewed girls.
I may have been wrong, but I used to believe that girls never wanted to be friends with disabled people due to their own lack of self-confidence. They had an "image" to uphold and it couldn't be broken by being seen with someone who's considered "different".
Believing they didn't like who I was, I subconsciously decided not to like them.
Up until recently that is...so don't hate me.
If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs, (thank you because they’re VERY all over the place lately) you might have read about the journey of self-discovery that I’m currently on.
Lately I’ve been learning how to truly love myself, let go, and focus on the life I want to live RIGHT NOW. Through this, I’ve found so much love and appreciation for myself and in-turn, discovered how F***ING AMAZING women are.
Over the past few months I was blessed by:
Getting to meet inspiring disabled women who showed me their strength through stories on how they became the incredibly badass WOMEN that they are.
Meeting some dope FEMALE poets who spoke their truth, despite what anyone had to say.
After a three-year friendship, finally got to meet my beautiful, strong, disabled friend Jeorgina, who continuously teaches me how to stop giving a damn about what people think and the necessity of just focusing on myself.
Witnessing my disabled sister fight for the life of her and her child and come out victorious.
Seeing my lifelong best friend work like, 72 jobs (seriously, what’s wrong with you?), while going to school and balancing her personal life.
Seeing my mom struggle, yet succeed at paying rent if it meant providing a nicer home for her family.
Getting introduced to Lizzo, a plus-sized, African American woman who is CRUSHING the music industry while promoting body positivity, self-love, and girl power.
Finally, starting the journey of discovering the MOTHER-FREAKIN’ GODESS that I was born to be.
So maybe it's never been easy for me to connect with other females...but that’s okay.
As humans, we’re always going to have specific genders, races, religions, ages, political standings, sexuality, social status, backgrounds, and lifestyles that we are more drawn to.
THAT’S OKAY!
As long as we have the strength to show love and respect to everyone that walks this planet, it’s fine to go towards what feels most like home. Do you.
I’ve always felt safest around males. I don’t know why. Maybe my energy just vibes better with male energy. However, that will never take away from the fact that I have this newfound love and respect towards all the badass women out their fighting their fight.
With that being said, I want to give a few shout-outs:
Shout out to all my plus-sized women.
Shout out to all my women of color.
Shout out to all my skinny women.
Shout out to all my disabled women.
Shout out to all my broke women who still make it work.
Shout out to all my women out there making their coin.
Shout out to all my LGBTQ women.
Shout out to my shy women.
Shout out to all my loud women.
Shout out to all my settled down women.
Shout out to all my free women.
Shout out to all my aggressive women.
Shout out to my conservative women.
Shout out to all my “slutty” women.
Shout out to all my short women.
Shout out to all my tall women.
Shout out to all my white women.
Shout out to all my smart or “nerdy” women.
Shout out to all my old women.
Shout out to all my single women.
Shout out to all my women who found a man/woman who treat them with love and respect like they deserve.
Shout out to all my women fighting for their lives.
Shout out to all my women who are struggling but never give up.
Shout out to all my independent women.
Shout out to all my moms, stepmoms, caretakers and anyone else dedicating their lives to others.
Shout out to all of my barren women.
Shout out to all my insecure women.
Shout out to all my confident women.
Shout out to all my college educated women.
Shout out to all my women who never got their degree.
Shout out to all my broken women.
Shout out to all my strong women.
Shout out to all my depressed women.
Shout out to all my women who keep it pushin’.
Shout out to all my women who take no bullshit.
SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE MOTHER-FREAKIN’ WOMEN OUT THERE!
Being a multi-disabled, multi-ethnic, weird, ridiculously broke, awkward, insecure, and scared woman has taught me so much about life, including the fact that being a female is tough.
There's a crap-ton of things that we deal with on the daily. It’s to the point where we focus so much on our own struggles and insecurities that we tend to forget that every other female is going through their own similar battles.
We’re all fighting our own war and it’s up to us as females – as humans - to provide support and respect for one another.
There is too much girl-on-girl hate in this world (myself included) that needs to STOP.
Females are STRONG, INCREDIBLE, POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL beings and we need to continue showing that to the world. How can we do that if we’re constantly hating on other girls for absolutely no reason?
I hope that people read this and stop to think about all of the amazing women that have impacted their lives. Realizing that their strength came from continuously fighting their battles and winning...even if you couldn't see their sword.
If you’re a female reading this, I want to tell you that you are so F***ING AMAZING.
You’re strong, confident, beautiful, sexy, worthy, powerful, successful, independent, and everything positive in this world.
You are.
All you have to do is find the strength to see it in yourself...I do.
As soon as you realize this, your entire life is going to change for the better. Trust me.
Piece of advice: Try to acknowledge the beauty and strength in other people. Once you do this, you’re bound to find it within yourself. It’s an energy thing. Don’t know how else to explain it, but trust me, it’s there.
I want to take this time to apologize to every woman out there in which I stigmatized in one way or another. Properly communicating with girls is something I've always struggled with. Instead of stopping to look back and accept the fact that I simply got along better with males, I would blame them. I blamed them because I thought females as a whole never wanted to be friends with me. Because of this, I would throw every negative adjective in the book at them, including; boring, fake, gossipy, vein, too-serious, etc. I was young, I was deeply insecure, I didn't know any better, and I was hurt. I'm sorry.
I don’t know about you, but from this point on, I’m making a vow to myself. I vow to never again say that I "hate" or "don't get along with females". I vow to stop judging other females without truly knowing them or their story. Finally, I vow to never again put my opinions, morals, insecurities, and fears on other women due to the incapability of seeing them within myself.
Will you take this pledge with me?
Special shout out to Kat Magill. A woman who deeply impacted me with her art without even knowing it. Over the summer my creative writing class was blessed by having her come in and move us with her truths that she so graciously shared.
However, she did more than just share her work...she triggered something powerful within me that I hope to hold on to throughout my journey.
I was stuck in a limbo between death and restoration. Her words gave me the green light to start the battle of fighting for myself. It lit something within my soul that reminded me that I'll be okay. That no matter what I've been through, what insecurities I have, who hurt me, or how I've hurt myself, I'm perfect in every way, shape, and form...I'm divine.
I should've told her this in person but I'm better on paper. Thank you, Kat. Thank you for using your words to show, not only me, but tons of girls out there what strong, badass women we are. Hopefully women like myself will follow in your footsteps, clearing a path for women of all races, shapes, and sizes to speak their truth.
Here's to them and here's to you.
Check her out!
If your in the mood for some serious women-empowerment and motivation, check out her book, The Myth by clicking here.
Keep up with Kat and her amazing journey by following her via Instagram.
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