For a while now, I’ve been stressing over things that, in hindsight, added no value to my life. I would force myself to be somebody that I wasn’t, chase things I wasn’t even sure I truly wanted, and held a mindset that if I didn’t make at least 5K a month, then I wouldn’t be happy with my life, that I wouldn’t be able to survive. For years I -
• Chased people who never chased back because I WANTED them to like me.
• WANTED to become mega-famous because I WANTED to be known, to make a lot of money.
• Never let people be my friend when they would try because I WANTED someone cooler, prettier, more popular, all to feed my own ego.
• WANTED a job but never WANTED to settle because if I'm not making 5K by barely lifting a finger, is it even worth it.
• WANTED to feel pretty, so I started changing pieces that God gave me.
I WANTED to be happy but never knew I was the one causing my own unhappiness. I was ungrateful and with that came dissatisfaction.
Sometimes in life we need to step back and meditate on what it really is that we’re searching for in life. Differentiate what it is that our souls need and what it is that our ego wants.Trust me, there’s a difference.
Everyone on this planet, everyone, is or has been a victim of chasing fickle things.
Even you. Don’t lie.
We all strive for things that we believe we want because society tells us that if we don’t have them then we’re not good enough.
Maybe that’s why everybody is depressed or overflowing with anxiety nowadays. If you don’t have the most likes on Instagram, “you’re not good enough.“ If you don’t make 1 million by posting one YouTube video, “You’re not good enough.” If you don’t look like every Instagram baddie, “you’re not good enough.”
Why do we believe that if we don’t have these things then we’re not truly happy, that we’re not doing life right?
I’m speaking for myself here too.
I have so many goals in life. So many. I used to believe that I need to wake up tomorrow and have it all accomplished. Like if I don’t figure my life out right now, if I’m not making tons of money right now, I’m not ever going to have it. I’m not going to be happy and just live a life of struggle.
I would constantly compare myself to others and wonder what it would be like to make millions, posting YouTube videos or writing the best blogs. I became very unhappy and developed severe anxiety because of this.
I’m not going to lie, I still do this, we all do. But I’m trying. I’m trying to let go of that and focus on what I NEED right now instead of what I WANT.
I know I NEED a job. ANY JOB. I NEED to take care of and love myself. I NEED to be surrounded by people who love me and whom I love even more. I NEED to find myself.
Whatever else happens, happens.
Maybe if we all looked within, truly deep within, we may realize that what we WANT and what we NEED are two completely different things. This is detrimental to finding true happiness.
Sadly, we will always want more, always compare ourselves to others, always want to be liked, loved, and praised. We’re humans, that’s what we do and that’ll never change. But if we start focusing on what we need in the present moment, we’ll slowly stop focusing on what is that we want. What it is that has no real value in our lives. This is when everything will start making sense. So,
What do you need?
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When it comes to finding work as a disabled person, options are very limited. Writing and getting to connect with people on a special level is something that I love to do. Nothing in the world beats being able to be your true, authentic self and have someone not only appreciate, but be able to relate to it in one way or another. It is my absolute dream, no, my goal to be able to do this as a career one day. Until then, if you'd like, you don't have to though (trust me, I know the struggle), you can visit the link by clicking here and donate to my blog. By doing this, you're helping me be able to one day stop doing freelance and be able to solely focus on my blog. Either way, thank you for stopping by and checking out what I have to say. I really appreciate it.
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