Do you ever feel like your world is falling apart? Like everyone hates you, you're lost in the world, nothing is going right, and everything is just...well, a mess? And yet, all of this isn't even the issue.
The issue is that when you're feeling this way, you take a step back to try and figure out why you're feeling this way. Why your life is so chaotic and what you can do to get it right. The most difficult part? Nothing is wrong.
You have this pain in the pit of your stomach, making it's way up into your chest, feeling like you want to give up, like you want to break down and scream out crying, but...nothing.
That little douche-bag of emotions is in fact, anxiety.
As I'm writing this, I just finished a little meditation session with God. I needed to sit with him for a moment and express my gratitude for what I have in my life. Over the past couple of days I've been having crippling anxiety. I've had this intense sense of worry that I couldn't shake. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry but even when I did that, my eyes stayed dry. I just laid there, mind running a thousand miles per hour, unable to decipher what was keeping me up.
I was scared. I was sad. I felt lost. I was panicking and yet I didn't know why.
Things aren't great in my life but they're getting there. I've met a couple of new friends recently, I'm ahead of schedule with my blogs, I just got approved to start the process of receiving a new wheelchair, and - as of now - I have some money in my bank account. Things have been going pretty decent this week and yet I couldn't shake this sensation of needing to simultaneously upchuck and cry.
Maybe I'm scared of change. Maybe I see change coming, want to run to it, but know that I need to be patient. Or maybe my past doesn't want to let go. It's holding me back, making me scared of all the good things coming. I don't know.
All I know is that anxiety sucks. It really does. Even in our brightest moments it finds a way to drag us through the dark.
My anxiety is still eating at me a bit but having a talk with God, reminding myself that I'm okay, helped out a lot. I know that this too shall pass.
Question Time:
How do you deal with anxiety?
Have you ever experienced moments like this?
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