You know what’s crazy? The fact that, for some strange reason, people tend to mix up the difference between disability and charity.
I can write a thirty page paper on all of the many ways ableds have used disability as a means to make themselves feel better, but today I’m just going to focus on one because this really pisses me off.
Grab, your popcorn and tea because I’M PISSED.
Growing up, it never really bothered me that strangers always wanted to give me money.
Yeah, they ALWAYS gave me money for absolutely NO REASON. In case you’re a little bit confused, let me help you become even more confused.
As a child, my family and I were lower-class but by no means were we homeless...strangers still gave me money.
I never owned name brand clothing but the ones I had were nice and clean...strangers still gave me money.
My sister, who’s also disabled, is only four years older than I am and yet they always thought, for some disablist reason, that she was my mother. Even though we continuously told people she was, in fact, my sister...strangers still gave me money.
I was perfectly able to go around town on my own and yet they viewed me as helpless...strangers still gave me money.
For years this continued to happen every now and then but let me tell you, my elementary butt was in PURE BLISS. I would smile my little charity case smile and GLADLY run to the closest market and buy various snacks that would later lead me to develop severe acid reflex…I blame the ableds.
Kidding.
It’s been years since this happened, I’m talking over a decade, and I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t give a damn about us disabled folk anymore. I guess it’s time for us to find other sources of income.
Rude.
I’ve sadly moved on and learned to...ugh...work for my money. However… This past week something strange happened. Something that, for a quick moment made me feel like I was 10 years old and back in 2005, getting ready to buy jaw-breakers from the local candy store.
It made me for a split second believe that maybe, just maybe, humanity saw the light and found respect for the disabled community again.
Hah!
What happened? Let me tell ya.
I was sitting outside of Vons minding my own business, scrolling through Instagram as I waited for my mom to meet up with me to get Starbucks.
This man then comes up to me and starts speaking Spanish at a rate I can’t keep up with. I can understand a little bit of Spanish but he was talking so fast that I couldn’t understand him.
I’m just a half black, half white, uncultured swine from Los Angeles who didn’t know what to do.
So, like the communication major I once was, I used my skills to properly communicate with him by saying,
“I don’t know what you’re saying. I’m sorry.”
Apparently it worked because he simply looked at me and said, “Do you need money?”
At this moment my world froze. All the basic girls walking by with their pumpkin spiced lattes seemed to blur while my confusion tried to form itself into words.
So what did I say?
I looked at him, probably very awkwardly and said, “No.”
Education ladies and gentlemen.
As he walked away, continuously spitting out apologies, my confusion simmered down into a hot state of shock. I didn’t think things like this still happened. The child in me wanted to take his offer, run inside and buy the biggest bag of hot Cheetos I could find. But the adult me?
I WAS PISSED.
I get it, some people see others who are “less than” them and want to help out in an act of feeding their egos.
Good for you.
Maybe someone else will give you a cookie for your act of chivalry, but as for me? Get the f*** out of my face.
I don’t want to be rude because I get it, people think they’re “being nice” and “doing their good deed for the day”, but in actuality, it’s incredibly offensive.
But this wasn't the only time this happened!
A similar situation happened last week.
My family and I went out to dinner and an elderly man came up to my grandmother who is also in a wheelchair (yeah, the wheelchair count just keeps going up in my family), and asked if he could give her a couple of dollars.
Once again, for absolutely no reason...at all.
Now, my grandma, a woman who would gladly accept a penny, took his two dollars and thought it was the sweetest thing ever. My family and I on the other hand thought it was, well, awkward.
Like, thanks but, why?
Who knows, maybe he had a crush on her and wanted to entice her with two crisp dollar bills. It worked...get it grandma.
But we were at a restaurant eating, CLEARLY she had money. Or at least somebody there had money to pay for her food.
At this point I was ridiculously annoyed.
Able-bodied people need to understand that having a wheelchair attached to you DOES NOT MAKE YOU A CHARITY CASE.
Okay?
Maybe I sound ungrateful right now but I don’t really care.
How would they feel if they were just living their life and people would come up, sadly look at them, and give them spare change that they found in the glove compartment of their Tesla?
I’ll answer that for you. They’d be offended. Pissed. Confused.
So why can’t we be?
Unless we're verbally asking for help, unless were sitting on the street, clothes worn, holding up signs that say, “anything helps“, don’t give us your pity or your money.
There are millions of people out there who actually need your help. Go do good with them.
Thank you. But from now on please remember,
DISABILITY IS NOT A CHARITY.
Question Time:
If you're disabled, have you ever been treated as a charity case by ableds and how did you react?
If you're an able-bodied person, have you ever seen or have you ever treated a disabled person this way? What are you're thoughts/opinions? Did you learn anything from the situation?
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Writing and getting to connect with people on a special level is something that I love to do. Nothing in this world beats being able to be your true, authentic self and have someone not only appreciate, but be able to relate to it in one way or another. It is my absolute dream, no, my goal to be able to do this as a career one day. Until then, if you'd like, you don't have to though (trust me, I know the struggle), you can visit the link by clicking here and donate to my blog. By doing this, you're helping me be able to one day stop doing freelance and be able to solely focus on my blog. Either way, thank you for stopping by and checking out what I have to say. I really appreciate it.